Here is a list of bad things that can happen to you, from not-so-bad to extremely bad. The numbers on the right are units of "badness", known to the philosophy set as dolors. You can read more about those on philosophy websites. Please don't write me to tell me I've spelt "dollars" wrong.
If you would like to add a bad thing to the list, check through the list first, to see if it is already on there. Furthermore, don't make it worse than getting cruxified upside down.
Bad ThingDolor Value
You drop the cone piece into the bucket while tapping the ash out0.10
You learn PHP but miss a simple function like stripslashes().0.10
You put on your pants and realize they are too tight in the thighs0.10
You buy a pair of shoes over the internet and they are too small but you wear them anyway since you don\'t want to pay $5 shipping to send them back.0.10
You are slightly annoyed but have no idea why.0.10
You find that the tub of ice cream has developed an inedible layer of icy crystals.0.10
You do not pass GO. You do not collect $200.0.10
Pooty finds you.0.10
You type an entire paragraph without looking at the keyboard, then realized some fingers werent on the correct keys.0.10
You realize that knuckles look very odd.0.10
you flip the channels one to many times and have to go back0.10
you step on a sticker0.10
you bump your shin on the coffee table0.11
you purchase the expensive douche due to a bad yeast infection only to realize some scuz bucket swapped it with the cheap crap0.11
Not reading the instructions and hitting the wrong part of the link over and over.0.11
the coffee filter folds over and you get hot water instead of coffee0.11
you break your middle finger then try to make a fist at someone0.11
you try to unlock the car door to get out but hit lock yet again0.11
you are attacked by vermicious kinids (the things that tried to eat the oompa loompaz)0.11
being really thirsty and taking a big gulp of your Sprite only to discover that the syrup is out and you have a big nasty cup of carbonated water0.12
having to go to the counter to tell the person that your Sprite is only carbonated water and they look at you like you are an alien0.13
drop your books in the hall0.17
someone puts a flier on your windshield0.50
you have to write a check0.50
Someone asks why you are so quiet, and you can\'t think of a response.0.50
you are bored0.50
You buy a tube of Pringles, and they are all broken into iddy biddy liddle bits.0.50
While eating a hot dog, mustard drips onto the crotch of your white pants.0.50
You step on a snail0.50
Someone tries to put a flier under your wiperblade but ends up just snapping it off.0.52
your friend keeps threatening to bust out a combo on people0.55
you have to get up in the morning0.69
you order a regular co*ke and they give you diet co*ke0.69
You have to turn down a really high paying temp job so that you can finish your degree.0.69
You used Nair and it stinks up the whole apartment.0.69
the soap breaks0.70
someone e-mails you a chain-letter0.70
Your boss sends you home to sober up0.70
You get caught picking your nose.0.70
one nipple gets hard and pokes you shirt all day but the other one stays normal0.70
You get caught surfing co*ckeyed.com at work and boss thinks it is p*rn0.70
Youre band gets the worst review ever: The less said about Melvyn the better. They were so bad my wife asked repeatedly to leave. That was the whole thing.0.70
You laugh so hard that salsa passes out of your nose.0.70
you miss the bus to school0.70
Stepping in dog crap and not knowing that you are smearing it everywhere.0.70
You pet the nice doggy, then smell your hand.0.70
Walking out fo the bathroom with a trailer.0.70
NEW You step on your favorite earring and not realize it and it sticks to the bottom of your shoe all day and is totally scuffed up and broken when you find it.0.70
NEW Your microwave burrito is so hot it burns your tongue yet it is still frozen in places, and you are already out of the house and cannot microwave it more.0.70
NEW you go the bathroom at work and people in the stalls on either side of you have diarea0.70
NEW You fart while giving a report at the front of the class.0.70
you keep getting mail that says register for the draft when you alredy registered like over a year ago0.73
everybody makes fun of you because you like to eat canned greenbeans and cabbage and other so-called weird foods. Girl, you know they just JEALous!0.73
NEW you keep getting mail to register for the draft... but you are 39 years old!0.73
You get spam in your email.0.74
You do a lethal-level fart in an enlosed sleeping bag/tent/spacesuit/spaceship0.76
you miss the green light0.90
you spot a dead thing on the side of the road0.90
Waking up on Valentines Day to the sound of sex through the walls, and you\'re all alone.0.90
NEW your date wakes you up in the night to tell you that you wet the bed -- twice!0.90
someone asks you for spare change1.00
You come up with a web page that uses the term Dolor and everybody thinks you mean dollar1.00
that sickening clunk as the door closes behind you and you realise you left your keys on the kitchen counter1.00
you think you shut a mosquito OUT of your sleeping bag but actually trapped it IN the sleeping bag. It bites you on the eyelid while you are sleeping and you wake up with your eye swollen shut.1.30
you ignore schoolwork to build a website but no one comes to visit your site1.31
you use Microsoft Windows because you want to1.32
You are forced to use MicroSoft Windows1.40
you remember you left your tampon in while your having sex1.40
X -10 again1.41
you get the Macarena song stuck in your head1.45
you get stuck in an elavator playing Hanson music1.45
you get an insect bite1.50
After buying a new CD, you are unable to get the cellophane wrapping off without breaking the case1.50
you wake up with 10 mesquito bites1.50
a bird craps on you1.60
a bird craps on your head in front of your 2 big brothers1.70
NEW you have a job in which the birds that crap on your head are an occupational hazard1.70
stuck in a boring conversation on the bus1.80
you forget to put on a bra & go to work1.80
you have to keep pausing the movie because your roommate keeps going to the bathroom1.80
you get to work and realize you forgot deoderant, and its HOT1.80
you only get hit on by weird foreigners over 50 and homeless drunkards1.80
you are stuck in traffic behind an idiot with 1,000 racist bumper stickers1.85
they interrupt your regularly scheduled program1.90
BOUNCED A CHECK BECAUSE YOUR ACCOUNT WAS $1.25 SHORT1.90
mistaken for a movie star you hate1.90
your boyfriend and his suitemates leave the toilet seat up without you realizing it so you fall in1.90
You are a lamer and have to type in ALL CAPS beacuse its just way to hard to capitalize only proper nouns like Dave and Justice Department.1.90
Someone leaves a Barry Mannilow CD playing over and over again in repeat mode.1.97
your favorite team loses a regular-season game2.00
You get a song stuck in your head2.00
you open the oven and the cake you are baking caves in2.00
Mom & 13yr old son look at co*ckeyed and see anal sex gif2.00
favourite lipstick colour discontinued2.00
you misplace your wedding ring2.00
You accidentally say \'Hi my name is Gwen and I am here to wash your vagin*\' at the DMV because that\'s your real job and you say it all day long. I really just needed to renew my license and get an eye test. He almost called security.2.00
The World Trade Center is attacked on your birthday, putting a slight damper on the procedings2.00
The resteraunt manager unplugs the jukebox after you spend $5 to play Kokomo 25 times in a row2.00
Some random person squeezes your **** lovingly in a crowd.2.00
accidently dropping your last joint out the car window2.00
NO ONE LAUGHS AT THE JOKE YOU THINK IS HILARIOUS2.07
Your alarm clock doesn\'t go off.2.07
you are woken up at 6a.m. by the sound of the hundreds of soda cans you left out the night before for recycling being crushed by a homeless man2.07
You wake up 5 minutes before your alarm clock goes off2.07
the alarm clock did go off2.07
Some jackass at a coffeestand in the airport won\'t give you a cup of ice water, even though you know damn well he has both ice and water behind that little booth, and it wouldnt be that much trouble to put them together in a cup..2.07
You fail to silence a fart in public.2.10
you are sitting in the computer lab and the person behind/next to you is unable to go more than 34 seconds without hocking and snorting their phlegm back out of their sick, sick throat so that they can breathe2.10
You lose your right shoe from your favorite pair at a Green Day concert, deciding to live rather than go back into the giant punching knot of bodies to get it2.10
Your dad tells you that you/ll never find any friends unless you dress like a nice young lady2.20
you go to a strip club & you only have 5s2.30
You get asked if you\'re pregnant when you\'re not2.30
your ex loses 10 pounds, ditches the mullet, gets a fashion sense and runs into you at the grocery store the one time you decided to go unshowered and in pajamas with the white spit-stuff still in the corners of your mouth.2.32
you get caught in the rain2.50
Jehovah's Witnesses visit your home2.60
The song you are downloading from Napster times out2.60
you lose only one contact lens and didn\'t bring glasses2.60
"lightbulb burns out, and you can't replace it until the next day"2.70
the batteries in your walkman die mid-run2.80
the whole container of garlic powder dumps onto your dinner2.90
you burn your dinner3.00
Your eye twitches.3.00
you figure out you are wearing your shirt backwards, but your not at home3.00
You realize your fly is open, in public, two hours after going to the bathroom3.00
You run out of asprin during a major headache.3.00
When you go to have a nice piece of the chocolate cake, the one that took you three hours to make the day before, and find that your siblings, one of which said he didn\'t like the cake in the first place, have eaten all it, including the crumbs.3.00
You\'re gullible3.00
you somehow lock your self IN the car3.00
a hanging bogie3.00
You just washed your hands in the sink and notice you have a huge waterspot `right there`3.10
You get someone elses laundry mixed up with your own3.10
stuck in a boring conversation on a long flight3.20
You get someone elses laundry mixed up with your own - its their underwear - and there are skid marks...3.20
A bird poops on your windshield3.50
someone asks if you ever wash your face3.50
you have leftovers of a really good meal, box it up, and accidentaly leave it on the table at the restaurant3.50
you know that your best friends boyfriend has been unfaithful to her with another good friend3.50
Leaving all your car windows open during a thunderstorm, and not realizing til after3.50
You put diesel in a petrol car (or vice versa)3.54
You get a papercut3.60
your 12 year old cousin keeps asking you to buy him liquor, cigarettes, or p*rn3.70
"Your friends have the wait-staff sing ""Happy Birthday"" to you"3.80
you answer the phone while you\'re having sex, and it\'s Brian, from New Mexico3.80
Someone doesn\'t like your Web site3.80
Your dog successfully mates with your couch pillow3.80
youre about to get fired and everyone in the office knows it before you do3.80
get an ugly groupie3.85
you run out of clean socks4.00
your clothesline breaks and your comforter lands in the alley.4.00
You take a really foul-smelling sh*te and everyone knows it was you and teases you mercilessly for it.4.00
NEW stepping into a swimming pool and the bottom is slimy!4.00
you stub your toe4.10
The cup holder in new car punctures your coffee cup, causing a faucet-like leak all over everything4.10
When shooting pool, you miss the shot, but get the perfect leave for the next shot.4.11
you find a hair in your egg McMuffin4.20
your upstairs neighbor likes to listen to ghetto booty love music when he and his girlfriend screw at 3 am4.20
you find an egg McMuffin in your Hair4.20
you run out of marijuana4.20
Lose a boot in the mud4.21
Accidently put Egg McMuffin in mouth4.25
someone keeps calling and hanging up4.30
You are forced to watch every Pauly Shore movie ever made ... all in one night.4.30
Your hosting company goes down for un/scheduled mantince without notifying customers4.40
Your 55-year old mother looks better than you do.4.40
All your relatives lose weight and you/re the only fat one left4.45
you get a giant zit on your face4.50
PRETTY GIRL CATCHES YOU READING AN AD IN THE ADULT PERSONALS4.50
You think it\'s your sweetheart waking you up with a kiss, but it\'s really his skan*y-*** dog licking your face.4.50
You forget that you shouldn\'t add concentrated sulfuric acid to boiling water and it explodes all over everything but you.4.50
piercing leg cramps during sex4.50
you unexpectedly run out of toilet paper4.70
your asparagus goes bad in the vegetable drawer4.80
you are eating steak on a first date, and while chewing you discover that your \'Medium\' turns out to be raw4.80
You ask a girl to dance and she says Go away, you re gay (you re a guy)4.90
the guys at KTST The Twister in OK City arrange a radio interview with you, but then they never call.4.95
you step in gum5.00
you get pink eye5.00
when you sneeze, snot comes flying out.5.00
locked out of my car5.00
You get a flat tire and then lock your keys in the car during a blizzard5.00
Getting a pus-oozing boil on your ***-cheek that hurts when you sit5.00
NEW Your best suit gets eaten by moths5.00
you hit your funny bone5.10
You find yourself desperatly wanting to contribute to the bad things, but can\'t think of anything bad enough.5.15
you go to the store to pick up a 2 liter of co*ke, only to get home and find out it is already flat5.15
something shoots out of your mouth and lands on the shirt of who you are talking to5.20
you wash a kleenex with a load of laundry5.20
you wash a pack of gum with your laundry5.20
You fart in an empty elevator and a person gets on at the next floor5.20
ACCIDENTALLY WASHING MY LAUNDRY WITH A PACK OF LISTERINE BREATH STRIPS THAT DISSOLVE WITH SALIVA AND LAUNDRY CAME OUT SMELLING LIKE LISTERINE5.20
You accidently drop an entire box of fabric softener sheets in with your laundry and now whenever you fart it smells like bounce5.20
leaving car windows down during cloudburst, then the car smells like mildew for weeks and getting the upholstery deep-cleaned costs US$300!5.20
They forget the fries in the drive-thru5.30
Have to ride your bike home - oh fun, it\'s pouring rain5.30
someone drinks your last beer5.40
Your boyfriend runs up your credit card and borrows $2000 from your parents for school, then leaves you 2 months later.5.40
you ruin your favorite pan5.50
you are caught in the rain and you are wearing suede5.50
My bird pooped on the only pair of clean jeans that I had.5.50
You run into an old acquaintance of the opposite sex and go through that awkward kiss-or-handshake fumble.5.55
the batteries in your walkman die mid-transatlantic flight5.60
you drop your just-finished dinner5.60
While renting a video, the clerk accidentally switches your movie with some art film in a foreign language5.60
Some kids steal your garden hose.5.60
Everyone knows your exact measurement ``down there``5.75
you discover the disk has been stolen out of the DVD you just bought5.80
you send a secret note to someone telling them how much you like them and they guess it\'s you on the first guess5.80
you are stuck behind a car that won't turn out on a windy mountain road for 20 minutes.6.00
you fall in the mud in front of this really cute guy you\'ve been eyeing all year and he not only helps you up but offers to let you wipe the mud on his shirt.6.00
You send a letter to someone you like....and they think it is from someone else and hook up with her/him.6.00
The person you like finds out about your Pokemon fetish, and announces it to the school over the P.A. system6.00
The caffeine you count on to get you through the graveyard shift doen\'t kick in after all6.00
A spider crawls INSIDE your keyboard and you have to finish typing this report6.00
A keyboard climbs INSIDE your spider and your report has to finish typing you6.00
You go home with a guy you really really like but he can\'t get it up. You laugh at him because youre drunk and proceed to throw up on his carpet. you never see him again.6.00
you are walking your dog in front of this hot guys house and he watches while your dog takes a crap on his lawn.6.00
You run out of cigarettes6.10
you have a pack of cigarettes, but no matches or lighter6.10
you have got cigarettes and matches, but you are too drunk to make it all work out.6.11
it\'s your last cigarette and match and you light the wrong end. oh, what do you do?6.15
Your grandpa gets emphysema.6.15
the internet is down at work/school6.20
You find a typo on your resume.6.20
you have to go to the Post Office near Christmas/April 15th6.20
Mr. T dies6.20
You go to a series of job interviews and realize later that your fly was down the whole time.6.20
you have to chew the air in the bowling alley6.20
The estimate to fix the damage done to your car costs a few dollars less than your insurance deductible, which is US$10006.20
Someone misses a meeting with you6.30
Your dad throws a pen at you and it sticks in your nose.6.32
your roommate uses your knife as a screwdriver6.40
someone tapes over your favorite show6.50
you spill bong-water all over the living room rug6.50
You forget a gallon of milk in your refrigerator while gone for a month.6.50
You go to meet the surgeon doing your orthodontic work and he offers to sort the rest of your face out.6.55
you are fooled by a fake movie preview6.60
a co*ckroach comes out of the coffee pot...while you\'re pouring your second cup6.70
You find an insect in a chocolate bar.6.70
"you miss the bus, lose 30 minutes"7.00
you dont get hired for that mucho money job7.00
Sid comes over to your house7.10
you get some glass in your foot7.20
you are forced to attend a family reunion7.20
you miss your exit on the freeway7.40
your brother Kevin calls7.40
You step in water and your socks get wet.7.40
you burn the roof of your mouth7.50
shooting pains in your big toe7.62
you get your shot blocked in basketball by a girl7.75
you step in dog poop8.00
You get poked with a sharp stick8.00
You get sick from drinking and have to puke and poop at the exact same moment.8.00
You find a used condom in your bed, and you didnt use it8.23
skinheads show up at your party8.50
"you miss your exit on the freeway, and you have to turn around and pay toll"9.00
getting stuck with pins every morning9.00
You roll your car on an icy road with an open container of straight pins on the seat next to you. (This happened to me)9.00
favorite song on favorite cd gets scratched9.00
After hard work putting up lots of holiday lights, several strings burn out when you turn them on9.04
you fall down in public9.10
you fart, but poo comes out instead9.10
you fart but a watch comes out instead9.10
you fart and Mr. Fuzzums, your long lost cat, comes out9.10
you fart but australia comes out instead9.10
you fart but the moon comes out instead9.10
The hatchback falls on your neck9.20
"You have to listen to a lecture on someone's strong (religious, vegetarian) beliefs"9.30
You make a pun and no one gets it.9.36
Someone asks if you were ever on the show COPS, and you/re not a police officer9.38
You are hung over all morning long9.40
While lighting your cigarette, you burn your nose hairs.9.40
The one time you use improper English, no one forgets it. Ever.9.40
Your toilet gets backed-up/broken9.50
you slip in the shower taking the curtain and rod with you9.58
your credit card gets rejected at a store9.60
You eat a bad piece of meat/wormy apple/sour milk9.70
your car is filled with ants9.70
You break the heel on your shoe 20 minutes after you get to a club9.80
you are bored. SERIOUSLY bored.9.99
You throw up10.00
Your voodoo doll shrinks in the wash.10.00
the place where you work has a special filter so you can surf every website except The Onion10.00
Someone asks if you are drunk, when you\'re totally sober.10.00
you have dandruff10.00
You spew after having one beer10.00
your cd burner breaks, and when you finally get up enough nerve to call tech support, it starts working while you are talking to the person. for no reason at all.10.00
You stay up all night reading stupid stuff online, and neglect to write the paper that/s due in five hours and fifteen minutes10.00
your car gets hit the day it comes out of the shop10.00
the tuna was not dolphin safe10.15
while on a date, the waiter is more charming than you10.20
You go to flick the ash, the cigarette sticks to your lip and the cherry comes off in between your fingers.10.25
Your eye swells shut10.50
You fall over, but have your hands in your pockets, and thus break your fall with your face.10.50
You raise your arms happily to cheer at a sporting event, only to realize that you\'re totally pittin\' out.10.75
You get psyched for a television show that\'s really cool, only to find that it\'s just some guys talking about stuff any half-wit already knows10.88
You spill your coffee on your shirt on the way to work11.00
you get a big shock while trying to retrieve something from the toaster11.00
you get a BIG shock in the ear when you put your headhones on at your computer in the middle of class and scream **** that hurt!11.50
NEW Your mom steals a tech guys garden hose12.00
You burn off your eyelashes13.00
your former best friend shaves off half of your eyebrow13.00
you have to get a job13.13
A baby cries through the whole film13.50
Someone near you on the plane has really bad gas13.50
You have to listen to Spanish-language radio for 2 hours13.60
the horrible horrible person who got you demoted at work is flirting with you at the bar13.60
The girl walking in front of you has a great ***, then she turns around and you see that she is really a he.13.65
The next day, you discover got your home phone number completely wrong when that hot stranger asked for it.13.65
you read your book in your boat, just as you have done the last three months, when it suddenly falls into the water.13.65
You have bad cramps13.70
You toss and turn for 3 hours14.00
You score a whopping 19 when bowling.14.00
you pass out & get the Sharpie treatment14.50
you see a spider in your room, try to kill it, but it just runs and hides to terrify you all night14.50
You spend 8 hours on a bus watching Egyptian comedy on TV.14.50
You have to spend all day in meetings15.00
You are summoned for jury duty15.00
Your pregnant wife\'s breasts transform from toys into tools15.00
your dog eats your friends stash15.00
you turn on the oven and it fills the house with smoke when youre home alone, and when you finally get your pizza cooked you drop it on the ground, then eat it anyways cause your that hungry15.00
being called ugly by an ugly person15.00
Your teachers all think you\'re coming to class stoned -- and you\'ve never done weed in your life.15.00
you are woken up early in the morning by your crazy neighbor screaming for her bastard cat to come home15.13
You get stuck in traffic due to repaving & the wierdo working the Stop/Slow sign tells you his life story.15.27
you get bad feedback on ebay15.50
You work on this list all day and leave it at the restaurant16.00
You lose a contact lens on a trip16.00
you have a serious enemy at work16.00
you get a high five after a date16.00
your car fails smog check18.00
You tell your parents you are sleeping over a friends house but really stay at cabin like an hour and a half away. Get caught you the person you pranked that night finds out it was you and she presses charges18.00
you sweat like george bush during the florida recount18.25
You crack a farm fresh egg into your brownie mix only to find a dead chick inside.19.46
you realize your nipples are visible through your shirt20.00
You Break the screen of your palm III20.00
you realize your the only person of color at a Slayer concert20.00
UPS Loses your packages loss 7days20.00
your boyfriend\'s parents hate you20.00
The guy/girl you dig jokingly tells you he digs you, too.20.00
being proud of your incredible height, but than smacking your head on the door frame,20.00
Your really cool WW2 army helmet gets taken away by the police20.00
www.(yournamehere)sucks.com20.00
www.(yournamehere)nude.com20.00
Trying to shave your Tri brow and accidentally shave off a massive chunk of your normal eye brow.20.00
you hit a parked car with your bike, cant move....people laughing20.00
deed of your house destroyed20.00
Your bratty baby brother doodles all over your homework with Magic Markers20.00
you walk past rob co*ckerham on your way to work and dont say hi because he has no clue who you are20.00
You lose your sunglasses20.50
you get a big chip in your windshield21.00
YOUR FAVORITE FICUS PLANT DIES AFTER 3 YEARS OF UPKEEP21.00
your pen explodes in your pants pocket21.50
you sit in gum21.60
your rear-windshield wiper wont stop, and it makes a terrible rubbing sound wherever you go.21.70
Take a HUGE out of a slice of pizza while in the morning stuper mode and feeling the inside of your mouth move due to the pizza being completely covered with ants (actually happened to my best friend - i watched!!! hahaha)21.89
you fart on a date22.00
you find a dead co*ckroach in your plate lunch22.00
Your mom catches you looking at p*rn on the Internet.22.00
on a first dinner date, your date finds a green grasshopper in her green salad; you cant help laughing22.00
You catch your Mom looking at p*rn on the internet22.00
some jerk puts his hands down the back of your pants22.70
you get an irreparable haircut23.00
You are the heterosexual object of an unwanted same-sex love confession24.00
Your pen explodes in your mouth, just as someone you really like comes up to talk to you.24.00
you go on the blind date show and the production crew fills your fake thought balloons with horrible, embarassing LIES24.50
The girl you like turns out to be a bad kisser25.00
you discover your nipples are visable through your shirt on school picture day25.00
Your car breaks down, on the roundabout right next to the police station25.00
You end up with cafe duty on your birthday for EVERY SINGLE YEAR of highschool.25.00
You get beat out of the student council by a retarded kid.25.03
Someone breaks off your antenna26.00
you get a cold sore26.00
you go away for the weekend but your roommate stays at the room. when you return you find white stains all over his bed and robe.26.00
First bathroom you find in 150 miles and it was just occupied by a frisky hillbilly couple.26.16
You have a burning sensation when peeing26.50
get bad credit history for a late movie rental26.50
exploding eggs26.50
you have to take off a bandaid26.76
Your roommates keep you up until 3am singing Blondie hits when you have to work the next day27.00
You buy some bad E28.00
your boyfriend is a really bad kisser and repeatedly bites your lips, and thinks its sexy28.32
You get your toe stuck in a red hot fire guard whilst having sex and your partner holds you down mistaking your screams of agony for pleasure28.32
you are totally clueless about the answer to a question at a job interview28.50
You are writing notes in class and the teacher stops by your desk, asks you a question, and you\'re clueless.28.50
Your favorite hairstylist moves to San Francisco29.00
you are chased by a mob of angry hobos that want to steal your bike29.00
forget you are wearing heavy metal bracelet you stole from a friend and get held up by airport security metal detector missing Christmas Eve flight home29.00
NEW you have a noise in your ear and your doctor removes a living roach29.00
You lose $20 cash30.00
finding dried-up week-old cat puke on the living room futon30.00
You crap your pants.30.00
You get busted for using internet at work when its supposed to be off limits30.00
you let your friend cut your hair and she keeps saying, "oops!"30.00
on your second swig of a freshly opened beer, live co*ckroach in your mouth30.00
You decide to smoke pot for the first time while on the way to school. Your late and the vice priciple nazi says you smell like pot and you get suspended for 5 days30.00
actually having a frog in your throat30.00
you speak and act ghetto, than go home and milk your cows30.00
Releived after a urine test you smoke a blunt, the next day you are told it must be done again (lab error)30.00
Realize that you love your ex30.00
you realize that absent mindedly you were checking out you aunt/couzin/other female relative30.00
some stupid 10 year old out wits you30.00
you realize that your new nickname has an alternate meaning you didnt know about30.00
you get arrested because you look like a bad ass30.00
The brand new bottle of Irish creme is chunky.30.00
You studied for the wrong exam and failed miserably.30.00
your wife catches you rubbing one off to online p*rn... and laughs30.00
Discovering your boss, who only hires women, is a major p*rn fiend30.00
Getting called by recruiters30.00
you stick a foil gum wrapper into an outlet and get shocked30.00
You have dressed up and you boyfriend/girlfriend is asleep30.00
your cat has diarrhea, and misses the litter box30.00
You are too nice to ask you friends for gas money, even though you drive them around a lot30.00
drink straw jammed up your nose30.00
You lose your tickets to the show31.00
you forget grandpa at the drive-through31.45
You leave a fork in your microwave31.50
The paper boy wants his 2 dollars.31.54
"Your computer crashes before you save, losing 2 hours of work"32.00
Your band plays a club and only 3 people show up (your friends)32.50
the job you are waiting to be promoted to gets filled by a hot guy32.50
Your friend rolls your fingers up in the power window33.00
you mistake cat food for leftover meatloaf33.50
You lose your keys34.00
You watch a motorcyclist purposely hit and kill a puppy34.00
you lock your keys in the car and you\'re a delivery driver34.00
You set off the theft alarm at Walgreens, but didn\'t steal anything34.00
You get an infection from an intimate piercing34.50
you step on a toothpick and spend all day in the ER waiting for them to pull it out34.50
your housemates evil cat pisses on your leather jacket34.50
your cat pees on your bedspread (and new $600 mattress) the day after you payed $5 at the laundromat to have it cleaned...from the last time she peed on your bed34.50
Your housemates evil cat pees in your guitar case ... with the guitar still in it34.50
You get your IRS check, spend most of it, then your boyfriend washes it in the washing machine the night before you deposit it! 6 wks and 30 mins on hold to replace!!!34.50
your cat pees in your sock drawer, and you dont notice until you take off your shoes...34.50
Tripping over a loose cable and breaking your big toe34.50
You run out of gas35.00
You find out that your favorite stalker is seeing someone else on the side35.00
you slam a car door on your finger35.00
they won\'t let you pay for beer with pennies at the corner store35.00
You are in in your socks and you step in your friends dogs pee35.00
you lock your keys in your car (while on a date)36.00
You get caught in a lie37.00
You run out of Easy Cheese half way through the box of Wheat Thins37.52
find intimate msgs to your fiance and they\'re not from you38.00
Your *bad thing* is dropped from the list39.50
You get a (US$28) parking ticket40.00
you take a swig from the ashtray bottle41.00
your housemates pet dies while you are taking care of it41.00
you get bit by a snake42.00
after asking what that nasty smell is, you realize it is your own stink42.00
You wash a pair of shorts (in a washing machine) that has snails in the pockets.42.25
You get a flat tire43.00
You spend an extra 15 minutes touching up your makeup, and your date says, hmm, did you want to wash your face?43.25
you get a black eye43.50
riding on your harley, and a june bug flys in your mouth43.50
you realize you live in Cupertino44.00
your housemate lets his drunken friend pass out on your living room floor and the guy soils himself durring the night.44.00
You actually spent 45 minutes reading all the Bad Things44.00
You are stuck in traffic, take a sure-fire shortcut, only to re-join the road. . . 5 cars back from the guy that WAS right in front of you.44.50
You don\'t like dogs in the first place, and your housemate has a dog whose *** bleeds every few weeks.44.80
lose a job you don't like or need45.00
your video-camera breaks while you are on vacation45.00
you discover you have alternate personalities45.00
you have to go to the DMV45.00
your spoon falls in the garbage disposal and you unknowingly turn it on, ruining the spoon and the garbage disposal.45.00
Your dog eats your new eyeglasses.45.00
you are jealous that the voices dont talk to you45.00
Your exam gets rescheduled to January due to a power outage. And you\'re going to be across the country for a co-op work placement until May.45.00
on the phone needing to write somthing important and EVERY PEN IN THE HOUSE either dissapears or stopps working45.02
You pass out drunk on the MUNI 14 owl on Mission and wake up in Daly City at 3 am45.50
walked in on by roommate and girlfriend45.50
You are a temp, you sleep with your boss. You are then hired. Then have a very painful breakup w/him b/c hes sleeping w/another collegue!45.50
you gossip about someone and they hear about it46.00
your boss calls you in on your day off to fire you, after he told you he was not going to. The police are there.46.00
You get an undeserved bad reputation48.00
your car breaks down on the Bay Bridge during rush-hour50.00
someone steals your deck furniture50.00
A bag of pot falls out of your bag while talking to your lecturer50.00
you get run over by the car you just stepped out of50.00
You hiccup, sneeze and fart at the same time50.00
You have to train a iraninan who can hardly understand you and you can hardly understand him50.00
The hooks on your bra break, first thing in the morning after you arrive at school/work50.00
Your friend visits you at work. You realize your at work and could be having fun or doing ANYTHING else.50.00
You cuss in front of your mom50.00
you got to Victoria\'s Secret to buy bras, and then find out they dont make them small enough50.00
You flick a cigarette out your front window, only to have it fly into your rear-driver side window.50.00
Someone snaps your bra in the middle of a huge store, it breaks the hooks, and there\'s no way you can fix them or put on another bra. So you\'re stuck without one for the next 3 hours50.00
i went into the bathroom and i had to pee really bad but there is only one stall and the woman in it was pooping and she wouldnt finish until there was no one in the bathroom50.00
It\'s saturday night & you re going out alone - AGAIN - and some ****le with a mustache starts making small talk with you at the bar and just wont go away50.00
Gas pedal gets stuck under the steering bar on a 2 seater go kart. A 5 year old is the driver you are passenger.Drives Full speed for 2 blocks nearly hitting children, houses,cars and animals. You risk your life and undo it.50.00
You go on vaccation in another state and borrow a toyota truck from a friend that enjoys going fifteen MPH or less through intersections50.00
You go to Victorias Secret to buy bras, and then find out they dont make them big enough50.00
NEW Accidentally locking yourself in a foot locker playing hide and seek at age 8 and it thus resulting in an adulthood claustriphobia problem.50.00
you walk into a parking meter and chip/knock out your front tooth51.00
you notice that you are naked at the mall, not a dream this time52.00
The hooks on your bra break, first thing in the morning after you arrive at school/work and some other guys catch you in the men\'s room, trying to fix it.52.00
You get the first question wrong on that millionaire show.52.00
You get a $271 ticket for running a yellow light (thats even written on the ticket)52.00
your pager drops into the toilet55.00
You inhale wrong end of cigarette55.00
you actually reach in to get cell phone from feces filled Port-O-Potty on a dare55.50
You drop your cellphone into a Port-O-Potty full of feces55.50
you spend Valentines Day alone on a cross-country bus56.00
Your roommate becomes a hardcore ABBA fan56.00
your online girlfriend whom you won\'t be able to talk to for two weeks and is depressed is online, but not responding to you56.00
you are tarred and feathered56.78
your cat likes your roommate better than you57.00
you realise (at 9 years old) that your parents called you Fern Gardener57.08
You drive 300 miles to pick up and drop off your best friend\'s niece/childhood buddy as a surprise, only to end up as the fifth wheel all day and then get their whole family mad at you because you met at the wrong spot to get her to take her home.59.99
NEW you are caught by french police jumping the turnstyle in the subway in France & they harass you for it for a half hour.59.99
You get insomina and next day you look and feel like hell60.00
You lose your cellphone and fear someone is using it for international calls and making for a ugly bill60.33
you find out your cool new friend is a racist hom*ophobe61.00
Crotch itch in public and in full view of several members of the opposite sex61.00
You have an annoying kid kicking your seat behind you at the movie theater.61.00
you wet your pants62.00
You fart just before you sit down on the toilet to take a crap. Then when you sit down, your face is right in your own fart.62.00
you find out a revolting bastard you work with is moving in next door to you62.00
Your friends senile grandpa inadvertently gives you a stinkpalm.62.00
almost stepping on a naked stranger sleeping on the floor outside your boyfriends bedroom door and the naked guy is blocking the way to the bathroom62.00
taking a dump at your boyfriends parents house and the toilet backs up and there is no plunger!62.00
you just miss your non-refundable flight62.50
yappy dog / car alarm / band moves in next door63.00
you buy a cell phone and it gets stolen the next day63.00
taking the dog to the vet after he ate your freinds stash64.99
My right eye popped out of socket when I blew nose.64.99
The girl you like asks you to fix her up with someone...else65.00
Telemarketers keep calling for your dead mother66.00
you\'re a telemarketer66.00
getting hired as the piano player because the blind accordian player cancelled at the last minute.66.00
You Put your head phones on and Turn your stereo on at 1:00 in the morning. Not realizing it was on full blast.WHAT?66.66
You spend 3 hours in the emergency room waiting69.00
your band has a concert and before it even starts you try to smash an acoustic guitar and hit your drummer, killing him, and a piece of wood hits your guitarist in the eye, making him blind69.00
you wait 3 hours in an emergency room, just to find out that it was only strawberry jam, NOT blood69.00
can\'t drink or have sex69.00
You down load a viruse that freezes your compputer before you can get to the virus scane softwere.69.69
Your nail gets damaged and falls off70.00
You swallow a bug while you\'re asleep...and you don\'t know what kind.70.00
you get sunburned70.00
You lose your voice (one week)70.63
You spend you\'re only change on a bagel with a side of cream cheese, only to find an extremely long brown hair in it, so you get rid of the cream cheese and go to eat the bagel only to find and even grosser hair baked into the bagel after first bite70.65
"you rear-end someone, covered by insurance"71.00
You take a 7 � hour drive to the boonies with your friend to visit her boyfriend. He gets trashed on a whole fifth of vodka (straight up) and a bunch of cocaine, wakes you up at 4 in the morning and tries to hit on you.71.00
you ingest a rotten egg71.00
The girl you like asks you to fix you up with your best friend72.00
you hear about the girlfriend AFTER the sex72.00
Your girlfriend tells you, I love you but we are not married72.00
NEW you meet a hot chick, and fall quickly into *friend zone*72.00
NEW you meet multiple hot chicks, and fall quickly into *friend zone* with all of them72.00
you get food poisoning73.00
The first time you find out you are allergic to mosquito bites is when you catch one under each armpit while you\'re sleeping73.00
on the first date, vomit all over the hot guy\'s bedspread right before sex73.10
going to jail for returning movies too late73.10
You find the name of the old friend you have been meaning to call printed in the obituaries page.73.25
your high-school nickname resurfaces74.00
you lose a movie you rented75.00
you get a flattire in the rain without a jack, and then get your foot stuck in the mud up to your knee for an hour coming back from the store75.00
your band plays a gig and only one person shows up - the bartender75.00
You come hoe to your wife feeding your chihuahua into the garbage disposal75.00
You get hit by a car, spend a month in hospital recovering, go back to college, and propmtly fail all first year exams.75.00
Right after you left the dentist for some major dental work, you have to rush downtown to do a speech at some big conference75.00
You are forced to be the designated driver but you dont have your liscense yet and you get pulled over and arrested75.00
You give a good-looking guy/girl your phone number, only to find out that 1) he/she is dumber than a box and hair and 2) he/she dominates the conversation.75.00
you find out it WAS your room mate who broke your guitar neck... and have to kill him75.51
your dog breaks the neck on your guitar and you are forced to kill it75.51
You have to have your wisdom teeth pulled76.00
you get all 4 wisdom teeth pulled, and then they find out there is a 5th.76.10
You get voted off the island.76.36
Someone steals your clothes at the Laundromat77.00
you get pancreatitis and must not drink again!77.23
You write a slightly critical of management fake memo to a friend. After you leave for the day, someone finds it, photocopies it and distributes it to everyone.... getting you fired.78.00
You get a speeding ticket (US$140)80.00
NEW the condom falls off inside your body and your boyfreind spends an hour trying to get it out of you80.00
Your window is broken and your stereo is gone82.00
you superglue your eyelids shut82.00
stepping on a slug82.00
your new roommate is a BIG sports fan83.00
your car gets towed (US$130)85.00
Your power windows stop working and your windows get stuck half-way open in the middle of the winter...85.00
you are rear-ended on your friends birthday, with her in the car, and some crack-head b*tch comes over and says its somehow your fault!85.00
you are dumb enough to fall for a virus email, and delete -sulfnbk.exe- from your computer, then have to shamefacedly call a friend and have them email you the file.85.36
After spending weeks cleaning up a swimming pool filled with rancid decomposing leaves (1 year) and dirty water, you try to fill it up and find out the pool has a leak.85.50
coming back from a hiking trip you find your fish dead. the next day at school you find it floating in the school drinking fountain because your sister put it there85.85
You bite into a hotdog and find veins88.88
You break your ankle on the first day of summer vacation.89.50
Some little kid throws up in front of you on a plane, your flight hasn\'t even started yet, and it\'s a 4 hour flight.89.50
you get a stalker (2 months)90.00
you unknowing get your period and the stain show thru your clothes while at school90.00
you find out your neighbour has a history of aggravated assault and has decided to stop taking his daily lithium meds and monthly anti-psychotic injections.90.00
You drive 3000 miles across country to move in with your boyfriend and he dumps you when you get there90.00
You leave your wife to be with the girl you love, realize you feel too guilty to be with her, then realize, way too late, that youd do anything to be with her again90.00
your girlfriend cheats on you with a friend of yours and follows him to alaska when he goes into the coast guard90.00
You get into a hot-tub with your new neighbors and their friends and you\'re too drunk to realize that they\'re swingers until it\'s too late90.00
Your mamma has a new baby and he looks a bit chinese90.00
your roomate\'s ex-boyfriend takes, along with his stuff, your cat, and has him put to sleep90.00
You fall in love with this guy & when its time to do the nasty he drops his pants and he has a microscopic penis :(90.00
your (new) hot 20yo girlfriend swipes your weed and there is no chance of repremand90.00
You cant get your money (for vacations) from the bank because you live in Argentina.90.00
Your girlfriend has sex with all of your friends. In alphabetical order.90.50
Your passport gets stolen while you are vacationing in Costa Rica91.00
your little brother is a pothead91.00
you have your new kitty euthanized for having distemper91.50
you get a bad tattoo on your shoulder92.00
you and your ex-fiance have the same tattoo92.00
Your pad falls out while at a water park92.00
you go to cambodia and get drunk and go to get a tattoo that you want to say brotherhood in characters and wake up the next morning and ask some dude on the street what it says and it says little brother92.86
You accidentally return your homemade p*rn to Blockbuster93.00
Stripper gets period onstage93.00
you get a tapeworm94.00
you get busted stealing gay p*rn & they call your parents95.00
you vomit (chunky dinner) on your boyfriend in the backseat of his Jaguar with leather seats, while performing fellati* (damn that gag reflex)95.00
your roommate's cat pees on your comic-book collection96.00
You had so much sex with your new girlfriend that your foreskin has swelled up like a boxers eye98.00
there is blood in your urine99.00
Wrong hole99.00
lost the NT admin password99.00
you get crabs99.00
Finding bloody skid marks in your underpants and VERY bloody stool simultaneously.99.00
Your UPS test fails99.50
After making coffe in the morning without your glasses on, you notice the kitchen floor is squirming with live maggots.99.99
you get mugged (US$50)100.00
your car get impounded for outstanding tickets100.00
You buy new expensive piercing jewelry, it\'s the wrong size... and not returnable100.00
You wake up with a co*ckroach in your ear100.00
Swalllowing a fly and then sneezing it out AND ITS STILL ALIVE100.00
NEW You discover, after having eaten two girl scout cookies from an unopened box you retrieved from the trash, that they are teeming with maggots100.00
You start getting the giggles at the funeral parlor100.02
You have uncontrolable flatulences while you\'re getting an anal exam100.09
dream about waking up and getting ready for school/work just about every other day. I\'ve done it since I was five. I wake up as soon as i get to work/school in my dream100.10
you dream about peeing100.52
you realize your only social life is playing Dungeons and Dragons105.00
you pepper spray yourself107.00
"you get hit by a car, no broken bones"108.00
you get captured by gorillas109.00
you get a call from the IRS110.00
you cross the line into alcoholism111.00
you catch yourself in a zipper112.00
you get poison oak on your penis, and it swells to enormous size112.00
you get a yeast infection112.00
You only discover that you caught genital warts of that superhot girl when your regular girlfriend complains of front bottom pains112.00
you wipe with poison oak113.00
You spend all day at work entering todays date on things, then get home and spend three hours trying to figure out why your wife looks so upset BEFORE you realize that its her birthday.113.25
your first boyfriend at university dumps you because he thinks the poison oak rash up your crack is a VD113.75
no one shows up at your party, NO ONE114.00
your dad catches you masturbating115.00
you declare bankruptcy to avoid getting evicted115.00
Your car gets stolen 2 weeks after you get it.115.50
you find out youll never get your braces off115.50
You catch your dad masteurbating115.50
You write nearly 100 pages of a screenplay on the computer without backing it up. The hard drive crashes and it costs US $1,000 to recover it.115.58
You have very bad hemorrhoids AND very bad gas115.59
you pass a stone116.00
the Internet start-up you work for runs out of funding116.00
you fracture your ankle 3 moves before finishing your level in kung fu116.00
A fellow officer lends you a belt holder for your pepper spray. You attach it to your belt, then use the restroom. Once in the patrol car, you feel a horrible burning sensation. He had accidentaly sprayed the holder, and didn\'t clean it well!116.00
Your cd burner\'s writing laser gets misaligned one month after the warrenty runs out. $90 to fix or $100 for a new one.116.00
You bite into a shrimp toast, chew, swallow, then look at the other piece and see half a co*ckroach embedded in the Shrimp part116.00
the company you work for announces everyone is going to have to re-interview for their jobs118.00
you break your toe and there\'s nothing you can do to help it118.00
You miss your second flight since first flight was delayed...you get stuck in Chicago Midway 4 hours before finally leaving for your destination.124.95
you go bankrupt125.00
the boss finds out you\'re stealing from the company125.00
Your best friend in the whole world stops spending time with you because she has a new boyfriend. A really ugly boyfriend.125.00
you find out your boss is stealing from you125.01
you have to move (because of someone else)130.00
you get your wifes name tattooed on your chest, then she divorces your loser *** anyway130.00
you have to move into a cardboard box130.00
Other people notice you are going bald135.00
the dot-com you work at tanks137.00
the dot-com you work for moves you to Utah137.00
the dot com you work for moves to to Utah, then tanks137.00
You beat up this punk-*** kid, but you go to the hospital cos you broke your hand138.00
you live in Texas .. and youre a vegetarian140.00
you get cancer, but it\'s not the \140.00
you get cancer, but it is not the oh my god i have got 6 weeks to live cancer, it is the oh, darn, cancer, i have got 6 months of chemo cancer140.00
You discover that your lover is actively pursuing polyamorous relationships on the internet without your knowledge or consent.148.32
you discover that your best friend who you/ve just had wild sex with, is gay148.32
You didnt get a raise after sleeping with your boss & now he talks about how lame a lay you are to the entire staff148.50
You leave your drink at the bar to go to the bathroom and when you return it has backwash in it148.50
No one remembers your birthday150.00
girlfriend cheats on you with boss who is 13 years older than her150.00
you lost your job on jan 2000, because you were putting in y2k fixes and finished150.00
leave your ugly wife for hot chick, then hot chick dumps you for ugly dude150.00
YOu get fired from your job, and start crying in fron of your boss and a big snot bubble forms in your nose150.00
everyone blames you for the holocaust150.00
you fill in for someone at work, do a damn fine job, they quit and you dont get the job150.00
you get fired during your first day of training at a new job150.00
You singe your hair lighting a cigarette at the stove150.00
You realize you\'re a dirty commie150.00
you are videotaped having sex with a donkey150.00
You go to a medieval re-creation event in a rustic county park and it rains for 3 days straight, and you are in costume, in a leaky tent, with no dry towels150.00
You get all your teeth pulled, then find out you are pregnant and cannot get the rest done for another nine months150.00
you have all the symptoms of hypochondria150.00
your husband leaves you for another woman and lives with her but tells you he still wants to be married to you150.00
you get a nose bleed150.00
Falling into the toilet150.00
Your insane landlord claims you are his wife while he is being arrested for nailing the next door neighbors garage shut and you only moved in two weeks before150.00
you find out your ex girlfriend is actually straight because shes been making out with your boyfriend150.00
you get Icy Hot on your genitals150.01
You quit your job, smoke a bunch of ganja, take some $50 magic potion that is supposed to keep you from peeing positive, and it doesnt. Then you have to wait 2 months to look for a job, without weed.150.01
You get involuntarily terminated due to department reorganization ... and there\'s no reorganization151.00
surrounded by rotweilers while smelling of dog food151.00
A dirty syringe pokes you152.00
A crown falls off a tooth, but the dentist wants to replace the crown on the next tooth and it hasnt come off, yet.152.00
your appendix bursts153.00
Your house gets condemned154.00
The dot-com you work for announces layoffs the day after your grandfather dies.154.00
"You are homeless for a week, without a car"155.00
your wedding is severely impacted by weather160.00
your website crashes and all backups of your data are destroyed in a brushfire162.00
falling off the roof drunk while watching fireworks.162.00
You don't get asked to your high-school prom & you don't go163.00
the fed ex guy tells you a dirty joke163.00
The girl you like starts sleeping with a guy you dislike170.00
Someone sees your boyfriend out with this other girl... And you find out this girls your best friend...170.00
The girl you like turns out to be a man175.00
in 7th grade while talking to the girl of you dreams you walk into a pole176.00
You gamble away your rent money177.00
You buy a puzzle at a yardsale for $0.50, and find someones stash in it... and get busted for it.177.00
You break your writing hand180.00
the guy u like used to be a girl180.02
You find a lump in your breast or testicl*183.00
you tell someone to get a crappy $5 guitar out of your room to smash it, and they take out and smash your $2000 guitar, before you can stop them183.54
your dad and his pals walk in during your triple-X strip-show183.59
Your mom walks in on you having sex185.00
Walk in on parents having sex185.50
you become a heavy smoker (pack/day)190.00
your fianc�e walks in on you having sex195.00
You get an ugly painful fungus on your face for 3 weeks196.00
you have an episiotomy197.00
10 minutes before your doctoral thesis defense you use a Listerine breath strip. Turns out the acid-looking strip is your roommates acid.197.85
You get an injury that requires both a doctor & a dentist199.00
You get a DUI200.00
Your parents find a bag of weed, catch you lying about it, and you lose $10, and your best friend gets in toruble too.200.00
You get a chemical burn200.00
You realize that potatoes arent all there cracked up to be200.00
Your best friend is killed in an auto accident on his way to pick you up from work200.00
You realize that the animated movie you got for your kids accidently got switch to an x-rated movie. And thay have already started watching.200.00
You accidently reverse your vacuum cleaner200.00
Your parents catch you having sex200.00
your dog gets hit by a car & dies210.00
Your dog gets hit by a cop going 50 in a 35 with no lights or siren and dies, and you get a ticket for not having it on a leash. And then have to bury before your wussy little brother comes home and crys.211.00
you lose a job you like or need215.00
You carry a car battery and lean it against your shirt, then it burns a horizontal black line through your shirt across your gut.220.00
you go to jail overnight225.00
First visit to the OB-GYN. The same one your mom uses. After the exam, he says that you look just like your mom.225.00
you have a mastectomy227.00
you become a freshman composition teacher227.00
you get shot228.00
"you cause a car accident where no one is injured, no insurance (US$3,000)"230.00
your name is mentioned in your friends suicide note231.00
you get stabbed232.00
you go to jail because of an idiot friend, and get stuck next to a murderer233.00
Cops take your lyrics for your brothers suicide note236.10
Having a shelf load of gallon size paint cans fall on you and having to pay for all the wasted paint.250.00
You are charged with a DUI. Are proven innocent in court - but since you didnt give a urine test the night of arrest you loose licence for 6 months250.00
You have a truck and decide to stop a Camaro that spunout and is stuck in the field, only to discover that while you were talking, your truck also sank into the mud. 2 hours later, both vehicles are out, but the mud also ripped out your brakeline250.00
hospital visit becomes year-long drug addiction260.00
snap off all four fingernails while trying to open a drawer260.00
you have an abortion285.00
hard disk failure- thesis and data lost-Nobel prize goes begging285.00
you go to the doctor because your wrist hurts, and he solves the problem by sticking a needle into your wrist and injecting cortisone along the nerve, causing you to scream285.00
You drink too much at an office party and end up humping the leg of your boss while screaming I WANT TO F*** YOU RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW! in front of all of your peers.285.50
You have an abortion, it lives, and you have to raise it.290.00
youre an assistant manager and nobody listens to you300.00
You contract Gangreen in a not so nice place300.00
You somehow kill someone with a salad shooter300.00
walk into a lamp post while admiring yourself in a shop window300.00
you get captured by guerillas305.00
You are a stockbroker and you lost everyones money and ruined your life..307.00
you get left at the altar308.00
You get attacked by a shark.308.00
you impale yourself on your ski pole in the process of trying to impress the hot ski bunnies308.00
You nail your foot to the floor308.00
you take a drink from the sink and your tongue gets stuck in the disposal308.00
your motorcycle fouls its only spark plug on the freeway at 70mph309.00
You lose a ring finger310.00
You lose a front tooth325.00
finding out too late that you can get genital herpes through oral sex325.00
you lose your sense of smell330.00
Your spouse dies while on the honeymoon.330.00
you get fired for surfing p*rn330.00
your tattooist turns your original design into flash and repeats it on Michael Bolton , which recieves world wide media coverage.330.00
You find out you have a severe chronic mental illness331.00
Your therapist keeps mentioning the benefits of electro-convulsive therapy331.00
NEW you fall face first in dog poop331.00
you get cancer332.00
You accidentally kill your cat.334.00
you get 40 lashes335.00
you lose a job you love and need340.00
You wake up in the refrigerater of a morg340.00
You are enslaved350.00
You lose your nose (frostbite)355.00
you lose a thumb365.00
Your greatly loved Aunt dies on your birthday and from now on your family remebers the day of her death but forgets your birthday365.00
"You lose 5 teeth, including 2 front teeth"380.00
Kneeling before the toilet, about to heave, when dizziness takes over and you do a header into the bowl.380.00
you get deported381.00
you lose your favorite way of communication: your middle finger382.00
You lose an arm390.00
You lose an eye400.00
you fall off of a building400.00
someone finds out you\'ve secretly charged thousands of dollars to the client\'s retainer and you get fired, fined and arrested400.00
you get robbed by a hooker400.00
Your tattoo artist keeps muttering things like sh*t damn and I can fix that while working on your back400.00
Well into adulthood you realize that you passed up what would have been the best sex of your life because you instead bought into hom*ophobic christian bullsh*t.400.00
People keep slandering your religon400.00
you fall off a building and live. Now you have to eat through an IV for the rest of your life because you broke every bone in your body. Including those little ones in your ears400.00
A virgin for what seems all your life & the 1st time you have sex with that special person... you get a VD...400.00
Your girlfriend gets pregnant the first time you loose your virginity. And morning after pills dont work. And she wants the baby.400.00
NEW you fall off a building and on the way down you snag your eyelid on a nail400.00
you have been dating the same girl for the last four years and still havent found the right hole401.99
You accidentally taste someone, and your mouth waters405.00
Your boss, acompanied by his HOT secreatry you\'ve been trying to get with, opens the door to your office while your changing out of your bathing-suit after doing laps in a VERY COLD pool.405.00
you shake some insanity sauce (extremely hot sauce) and the lid flies off and sprays the sauce in your face and burns you406.66
you realize you are sexually attracted to Gilbert Gottfried410.00
Girlfriend gets pregnant - turns christian - and doesnt want to have sex again until you marry her.410.00
you find out you have type 2 diabetes and now cannot eat the things you love to eat410.00
You accidentally kill someone425.00
you find a dead body425.00
You get infected with the HIV virus450.00
step on a wet hair ball from your cat450.00
You pass out drunk into the bonfire.499.99
You lose a leg500.00
Bulding falls on you500.00
Your girlfriend gets you addicted to Heroin500.00
You drive your card into the Broadway Market Parking Garage with you bike on the roof500.00
You are the Mole, and *everyone* knows it500.00
you adjust yourself during school and your watch gets snagged on the inside of your boxers500.00
You realize that, yes, you are ugly500.00
Realizing that you really can\'t change your significant other500.00
trying to light a tompon instead of a cigarette500.00
You are wearing the pants you hate500.00
You run out of heroin510.00
You are disemboweled525.00
you wake up dead525.00
You get raped550.00
you contract HIV while cheating, and find out after your wife/husband get it too550.00
The guys in the bar find out your wife left you for another woman.550.00
After what seems like hours of passionate lovemaking, you ejacul*te. Then your wife asks you to hand her the vibrator.550.00
Your wife runs off with your imaginary friend.550.00
you realise your dog has a better sex life than you550.00
the police department you use to work for arrests you550.00
you dont realize till after you sober up the next morning that the girl you picked up last night has a penis.550.00
you wake up next to a really hairy homeless man with a bag of balck tar cocaine in your armpit550.00
you get raped and no one believes you or even says it was your fault551.00
Bad nickname551.50
NEW out sailing/videotaping cool looking sharks/oops, fell in575.00
You get gang raped600.00
You have all 4 wisdom teeth out and it wont stop bleading or hurting600.00
Your trapped on the top floor of a building. A airplane hits the middle section of your builing - and you just watched the exact same thing happen to a building next to you. Except that one you watched collapse.600.00
You realise you are a transexual and will have to spend vast amounts of money on surgery and tell your parents, boss and wife.600.00
you find out that dixie crystals *are* bone-char processed after busting your *** for four years trying to be a damn conscious vegan600.00
You get burns over 60% of your body650.00
you put gasoline in the kerosene heater650.00
you are a coprophiliac652.00
You lose both arms660.00
you fall asleep and your wife cuts off your penis and then throws it out a car window660.00
You are thrown directly through a window665.00
You wreck your car by smashing into your mothers car.665.00
you go on your honeymoon to have sex for the first time, only to find that your spouse is a member of the same sex, and just looks like the opposite sex666.00
You are granted eternal life, and then you commit a crime and get a life sentence.666.66
You find your parents having sex in your in your bedrom on your own bed.666.66
you get castrated670.00
NEW you get beaten to a pulp on the Chicago L train for wearing stripy tights and a dog collar by a black girl who has her hair shaped into a yellow and green pineapple......for real, no joke.670.00
You get castrated...with and ancient (and rusty) tribal spear.676.00
You lose both legs680.00
your tongue piercing gets caught on your girlfriends intimate piercing, and you have to go to the hospital like that to get it fixed.680.00
after coitus you cant find a sock to wipe on680.00
You leave for work for the day and come home to find the boyfriend who\'s flight you paid for is putting it to two female backpackers you thought were your friends - and no one stops when you enter the room.680.00
Living in San Diego680.00
Your vasectomy went horribly, HORRIBLY wrong, maam680.00
Your mom walks in on you and your girlfirend having sex. In fursuits. Then she gets you both thrown into the psych ward.705.00
Your parents kill your sibling by forcing him or her to drink bleach in an effort to excise the demons.720.00
you write parking tickets for a living720.00
you get hit by a meteor during eye surgery720.00
NEW diving into a pool and coming up with a mouthfull of wiggly mosquito egg water !!! GAG !!!720.00
Your dog thinks its funny to crap on your 80 year old neighbors welcome mat, and barf on your pillow, but your brothers like it too much to put it to sleep774.00
Beer Spillage over both my girlfriend and best friend777.77
You develop uncontrollable diarrhea and crap your pants during a date780.00
You lose both eyes800.00
I stole my moms car800.00
A train hits you850.00
a train hits you, and you live for 60 more years, unable to feed yourself850.01
while talking to parents they point out the pubic hair stuck in your teeth850.01
You get drunk and sleep with your teacher, only to find out the next week you are pregnant.852.00
NEW you go down on your girlfriend and remove someone else\'s condom with your tongue868.00
You hit 42 and are still concerned about the absence of pubes900.00
NEW listening to tales of my ex-girlfriend having sex with other guys.900.00
Quadriplegic960.00
A grenade goes off in your hand970.00
Return from a routine space mission only to find that everthing is exactly the same, with the exception that everybody is a monkey.970.00
You take a drink from a bottle full of piss970.00
You are paralyzed980.00
Just before going under, your surgeon mistakenly identifies you as the man sleeping with his wife.999.00
12-year old you are riding your bike and are hit broadside by a speeding 1959 Edsel1000.00
You get burried alive1000.00
you live in Russia1000.00
You have sex with a girl and she hits your brand new car leaving.1000.00
you realize that you love hom*osexual activity and you\'ve been with a member of the opposite sex for four years1000.00
you put on a horrible mask and cannot get it off1000.00
My grilfriend (after telling me she couldnt love again, for a long time. and after breaking up with me) Started ******* her best friend (who has been gay for 7 years and been with ALOT of guys) The day after we broke up, and kicked ME out of MY apt.1000.00
your plane goes down over the ocean and your floatation device has a hole in it.1000.00
You suddenly discover God is real, when you ve been an athiest for your entire life1000.12
You discover God is fake, after being a devout Christian (or whatever) for your entire life1000.12
NEW your mother becomes a Jehovas Wittness and wont talk to you anymore because you are a Southern Baptist, even though she raised you to be a Southern Baptist1000.12
Your brain is transplanted into a cow1099.99
a cows brain is transplanted into you (while you are still completely awake and aware of whats going on, but have no means to stop it)1099.99
you lose all limbs and reproductive organs but you still live for another 45 years1100.00
You break your back outside and the neighbor\'s fat *** old dog poops near you as you wait three hours for someone to get home.1100.00
you get hypothermia, someone throws you into a hot tub, and you have a heart attack from the temperature change1100.50
you go to kick that piece of ice thats just sitting there on the ground and it ends up that it\'s stuck and you fracture your toe.1100.80
you are slowly sucked to death by angry, vengeful lampreys.1111.11
NEW you decide to have fun with the pool filter and get your privates stuck1111.12
mistakenly grab tube of Krazy glue when reaching for the KY1200.00
You are sued for millions in a copyright suit because you used the nike logo without permission on your shabby, flash animated website and a nike exec happened to see it1203.00
You get frostbite and all your fingers and toes fall off and you dont notice for three weeks.1203.00
You die peacefully1300.00
You live in afghanistan and look like bin laden1300.00
Big, smelly mushrooms start growing out of your ears, mouth and nose1300.00
you get chopped up in a wood-chipper1323.00
You are hanged1350.00
You get aborted.1350.00
You die in a mudslide.1351.00
Herpes in your optic nerve causes your eye to fall out1362.76
Your pistol stovepipes one round into a shootout, and you have no backup.1400.00
You are drawn & quartered1420.00
someone takes a corkscrew and twists it into your belly-button then pulls it out slowly1420.00
you get eaten alive1420.00
you buy a brand new recliner, and your cat pees on it so much, and so frequently, that you can no longer clean it, the smell is intolerable, you leave it on the curb... bye bye recliner, we miss you!1430.00
You get boiled in oil1450.00
Personal injury involving your crotch and a sewing machine... in the mountains1450.00
fall off balcony, snapping back on a theatre chair1450.00
You cut up fresh hot chilli peppers, go to the toilet and the searing pain reminds you that you forgot to wash your hands.1450.00
You get a prior sex offender notice from the new guy next door1450.00
you walk in on your two same sex friends having sex1450.00
You pay tens of thousands of dollars out in tuition to go to a university with a T3, only to have them block filesharing ports completely because they can\'t figure out how to solve the bandwidth problem bandwidthcapping.1450.00
Talking to your new co-worker and offhandedly mention to him that one reason this summer job rocks is because so many -hot- women work here. Later, you find out he is actually a really homely female and believes that you were flirting with her.1450.00
Someone asks what gender you are1452.00
you marry a woman that vows to stay a virgin until the wedding night, youve been waiting forever to have sex w/ her and finally as she undresses you sees she has three nipples and two on her back1452.00
you had an affair with a hot, young intern and now no one can find her1452.88
You are in the military and get sent out on a highly dangerous mission, only to find out that the intel report is wrong and 8 out of 24 people die due to underestimated enemy strength.1452.88
You find out there\'s tiny worms in your eyes.1452.88
You are a civilian in an area which gets the attention of the American military.1452.88
You get keelhauled1452.88
you somehow find yourself lying on a block in the middle ages and a big, sharp, evil-looking knife is coming straight down onto your neck1452.88
you get tied to your bed posts and then you get your balls popped by a wodden mallet1452.89
you had an affair with a hot, young intern and they just found the body1452.89
you are on your deathbed, you confess to a dozen murders then get better1452.90
you find out theres BIG worms in your eyes1452.90
You hit a pedestrian with your car on your 20th birthday, and then get sued for millions all before you turn 21.1452.90
You are sexually molested by your older brother since before you could remember and when you finally tell you parents they put you into therapy with a shrink that doesnt work and you are afraid of sex for the rest of your life.1452.90
you decide to become a Satan worshiper and at your first meeting you learn that you are the sacrifice for that night.1479.00
everything on this list happens to you within one month1479.00
you get run over by a steamroller, from the feet up1479.00
NEW While vacationing in Costa Rica, a monkey bites your scrotum... in front of your girlfriend.1479.00
You get crucified1500.00
You return a pair of sunglasses to a friend and get murdered by her former football star ex-boyfriend1547.14
You get shot in the back of the head while watching a play.1578.33
you get crucified upside down1580.00
